


A Justified Sort of Anger

by JewishDavidJacobs



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JewishDavidJacobs/pseuds/JewishDavidJacobs
Summary: There are two girls David doesn’t recognize fawning and practically draped over Jack. He chuckles and waits for him to get up. When he doesn’t, David looks to see if his lips are moving. Maybe he’s explaining to them that he isn’t single.David trusts Jack implicitly — he really does — and he’s not the jealous type, but he doesn’t understand why Jack hasn’t put the situation to an end yet. It’s been almost five minutes now. When he hears Jack laugh at something one of the girls says he thinks he might die.
Relationships: David Jacobs/Jack Kelly
Comments: 34
Kudos: 103





	A Justified Sort of Anger

David really doesn’t like parties. He doesn’t see the appeal. Why would he want to spend his Saturday night in a loud, crowded, stuffy room with a bunch of people he barely knows who are drunk out of their minds? At least it’s not a frat party. Still, he wants to go back to their dorm and do nothing or go to the twenty-four hour diner with their friends.

But he gets that Jack likes parties. He’s only ever joined him a few times, but this was their senior year and he knows Jack wants to have as many college experiences as he can before they graduate. David’s not sure why partying almost every weekend is one of those experiences, but he loves Jack and if this makes him happy, he’s willing to do it.

He selfishly wishes that Jack hadn’t asked him to come. Whenever he does, he either feels bad because Jack spends the whole night trying to make sure he’s comfortable or he gets Jack to go have fun and he ends up lonely in a corner. He’s trying his best to not hinder Jack’s experience, but it’s hard. Right now, he’s leaning against a counter in someone’s kitchen, sipping lemonade from a red cup and watching Jack socialise on the couch across the studio apartment.

“Hey,” a girl says, sidling up to him.

“Hi,” he replies awkwardly.

“Are you a transfer? I haven’t seen you around these things before.”

He shakes his head. “No, this just isn’t usually my type of thing. I’m here with somebody.”

“So I shouldn’t hit on you then?”

David sputters.

“Relax, I’m joking.” She sticks out her hand. “Name’s Smalls.”

He shakes it. “David.”

“What are you drinking?”

“Just lemonade.”

“Designated driver?”

“Not much of a drinker. You?”

“Water. I had something before because I can’t handle these things otherwise, but I have work in the morning,” she explains.

His eyes flicker over to Jack when he hears his laugh.

Smalls notices. “Jack Kelly, huh? Yeah, he’s cute. Not my type, but I can see it.”

“Yeah, he’s…yeah.”

She laughs. “Uh oh.” Smalls points back to Jack. “Looks like those two are about to have a bad night.”

There are two girls David doesn’t recognize fawning and practically draped over Jack. He chuckles and waits for him to get up. When he doesn’t, David looks to see if his lips are moving. Maybe he’s explaining to them that he isn’t single.

“Don’t worry, they’re not gonna get anywhere. Unfortunately, neither are you. He’s famously committed to his boyfriend. Really fucking in love.”

“Yeah?” If some girl he’s never met knows that, he wonders how often Jack has mentioned about him. Or, more accurately, how many people have hit on Jack and made him feel forced to mention David. He wouldn’t blame anyone for wanting to flirt with him — after all, David agrees that Jack is incredibly attractive — but the girls are still all over Jack and it’s making him itchy now.

“Oh, yeah. Never shuts up about him. I don’t remember his name, but I’ve also never met him, so…” She shrugs. “Anyway, if you’re single, I have some friends around here who—”

“Thanks, but I’m not.”

She smiles. “Makes sense, cute guy like you.”

He feels himself blush. “Oh. Thanks.”

He’s happy he wore a button down because he doesn’t have to deal with all the different textures of whatever he would inevitably bump into, but it’s hot and he feels stifled. It doesn’t help that someone is whispering in his boyfriend’s ear.

David trusts Jack implicitly — he really does — and he’s not the jealous type, but he doesn’t understand why Jack hasn’t put an end to this situation yet. When he hears Jack laugh again, this time at something one of the girls says, he thinks he might die.

“Are you okay?” Smalls asks. She follows his eyeline to Jack. “David, I thought you said— oh. You’re the boyfriend?”

He nods, not taking his eyes off of Jack. He rolls up his sleeves a little less than halfway. 

“Well, I meant what I said. I’m at the parties he’s at most weekends and he’s never kissed anyone, let alone went home with them.”

“I know.” He looks at her. “If everyone knows, then why are people flirting with him?”

She shrugs. “One of them, I’ve never seen before, so maybe she’s a friend of someone’s and doesn’t go here, and maybe the other is just hoping he’s interested anyway. Want me to go over and yell at her?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? People always say you should go out to make friends and I’ve never spoken to anyone sober at these parties and you seem cool.”

He chuckles. “Thanks. You too.”

“I know. Look at me, I have pink hair! Of course, I’m cool.”

He laughs again and she flashes him a goofy smile. He likes Smalls a lot. “Fair enough.”

The girl Smalls pointed out and said went here runs her fingers through Jack’s sweaty hair. The empty cup David’s holding cracks. 

“Want me to yell at her now? Because I will. She’s a jerk anyway.”

“That’s okay.” He throws the cup in the recycling next to him. “I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to go.”

“He’s not gonna—”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch.”

“Want me to tell him you left?”

“Please. Nice to meet you, Smalls.”

The biting autumn air does him a world of good as he starts the walk home. He generally doesn’t like to walk home alone at night, but he couldn’t stay there any longer. Jack can walk home with one of his friends who lives in their building.

Where the hell does Jack get off asking him to come and then letting him watch that? He’s grateful for the sharp wind because he knew without it he might cry.

“Davey! Davey!”

He stops as a familiar voice calls for him.

“Davey!” Jack puts a hand on his shoulder and he turns around. “Where you going, sweetheart? Smalls said you had to leave.”

“Back to our room.”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

He shrugs nonchalantly and puts his hands in his pockets. He kicks a pebble for an excuse to look down.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No.”

“Dave, come on. We gotta be honest with each other.” He takes David’s hand. 

“Do we, Jack? Then be honest and tell me why you wanted me to come tonight.”

He looks so lost and confused. David isn’t sure if it’s the three beers he’s had or if he’s really that oblivious.

“What do you mean? I wanted to spend time with you! You went to get a drink and never came back.”

“Well, good thing for you, my spot got filled.” He yanks his hand away and keeps moving.

Jack keeps up. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t.”

“Go ask your new friends. They know what I mean.”

“My new— the girls sitting next to me?”

“More like on top of you.”

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

David wants to wipe the shocked look off Jack’s face. How dare he be shocked?

“Why’d you let them flirt with you?” He can’t stop the tears anymore. “Why didn’t you tell them you have a boyfriend?”

“Wh— Dave, nothing was gonna happen!”

“If you think that than you’re either drunk or stupid. Something  _ did _ happen.”

_ “What? _ Jesus Christ, I would never cheat on you, Dave, you gotta know that!”

“I do! But you could’ve told them to stop!”

“Stop what? Talking to me? Am I not allowed to have friends?”

“That’s not fair!” David tells him. “There’s a difference between friendly affection and, and, and letting someone run their hands through your hair!”

Jack doesn’t reply.

“And they were whispering in your ear! How do you think that makes me feel?”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course, I do! But trusting you doesn’t mean I can’t be hurt. When I run my hands through your hair when we’re lying together in bed or your head’s in my lap, that’s a romantic gesture, isn’t it?”

“It doesn’t have to be! I’ve seen your sister do the same thing to you!”

David takes a physical step back. “Are you fucking with me right now? How can you not see the difference between something familial and something romantic. I kiss my mother on the cheek, should I stop doing that?” he growls. “Is that cheating on you? When I hold my little brother’s hand when we cross the street? Is that?”

Jack rolls his eyes. “Stop being so fucking dramatic.”

David tries not to show how much that hurts. “I’m not being dramatic! You just equated what that girl did to you to what Sarah does to me! Do you actually think those are the same thing?”

“No! Jesus Christ, Dave. Calm the fuck down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! My anger is justified! I’m angry and I’m humiliated and I’m—”

“Humiliated? Who the fuck were you humiliated in front of? You just met Smalls two seconds ago and nobody else knows who you are because you never do anything except sulk in our room!”

David staggers back farther.

Is that really what he thinks? Jack has always been very understanding and compassionate about David’s depression and social anxiety — two things that often make it very difficult for him to leave his bed, let alone go out — but maybe it annoys him when David can’t do something or go somewhere. Maybe he’s not being honest when he tells David he doesn’t mind nights in and just cuddling in bed.

“Fuck you,” he spits. “Fuck you for saying that. Why am I not allowed to be upset with you for acting like that? Why am I the one being insulted?” He furiously wipes away his tears.

“Davey—”

“No!“

He looks apologetic and David isn’t going to just let him say sorry and be done with it.

“You know what? Go see your new friends and leave me alone to go sulk in my room.”

“Davey!” Jack shouts as he walks away. “Davey! We aren’t supposed to go to bed angry, remember?”

David turns and walks backwards for a moment, yelling “Good thing we won’t be sleeping in the same bed tonight, then, huh?”

“Go away,” David orders when someone knocks on his door. “I don't want to talk to you right now, Jack. Sleep on the couch.”

“It’s not Jack.”

David sighs. “Come in.”

“Hey, Davey.” Crutchie wheels himself up to the bed.

David is cocooned under the covers. He has extra blankets on top of them. He’s in sweatpants, a shirt, and his oversized hoodie with the hood pulled up. He’s also got thick, wool socks on. Usually the hoodie is Jack’s, but he couldn’t bring himself to wear one of his tonight. It’s his depression outfit and his depression setting.

“Whoa. Must be serious.”

“What, didn’t Jack tell you?”

Crutchie shrugs. “He isn’t super coherent when he’s emotional. I got the gist. I’m sorry.”

He shrugs halfheartedly. “S’okay. Not your fault.”

“It was a shitty thing for him to do and a bunch of shitty things for him to say.”

“It’s fine.” David lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. “I’ll be over it soon enough.”

“He’ll apologize.”

“So will I.”

“For what?”

He isn’t sure.

“As far as I can tell, the only thing you did wrong tonight is not give yourself proper ventilation.” He rolls over to the window and opens it halfway. “It’s really stuffy in here.”

“It’s ’cause I never leave. Like he said.”

Crutchie scoffs. “Yeah, okay. You leave all the time, Davey. You go to class, you see your friends, you tutor. Just because you don’t like the same social things that Jack does, doesn’t mean you’re always in your room. And so what if you are? Sometimes it’s okay to let yourself rest and not try.”

He gives him the biggest smile he can manage, which he has a feeling doesn’t look that big. “Thanks, but he does stuff he doesn’t like for me. I should for him too.”

“None of the stuff you like that he doesn’t gives him panic attacks. You want to do what he likes that same way he does what you like? He watches documentaries with you and sits in the library with you. He lets you talk to him about whichever part of history you’re into at a given moment and genuinely listens and cares. That’s the kind of stuff he does. You do the same things for him.

“For a couple, I know you guys don’t have many shared interests, but who gives a damn? You’re disgustingly in love and have been for the last six years. It’s not gonna change just because you don’t like parties.”

David loves Crutchie. He always knows what to say and he always was more emotionally mature than any of them.

“But now whenever he’s at a party I’m gonna be worried that someone’s all over him. Does that make me jealous or annoying?”

“It makes you human. Although, I gotta tell you, I’ve been to plenty of parties with him and I’ve never seen that.”

He sighs. “Maybe I did something wrong.”

“Can you stop blaming yourself and let yourself be angry? It’s okay to think you’re right. I know you guys don’t fight a lot, but it seems like whenever you do, you meet in the middle. That’s healthy during a disagreement but not during a ‘hey, you fucked up’ argument.”

“I guess.”

“I know.”

He rolls back onto his side and yanks the blankets up even further. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Davey…”

“I’m tired, Crutchie. I’m going to sleep.”

He hears a sigh and the door clicks closed softly. After a few minutes, his phone buzzes. He ignores it. When it buzzes again, he puts it on silent and closes his eyes, trying to force the tears back.

He tries to keep himself from falling off the precipice of relaxation into sleep until Jack comes home, just to make sure he’s safe, but he’s sure Crutchie will wake him if anything happens. He can’t help it and he sleeps.

David wakes up the next morning when the front door slams. JoJo always forgets that it does that if you don’t hold it as it closes, so it’s probably him on his way to church. David grumbles sleepily and turns over. The space next to him is cool. It feels bizarre to wake up alone, to not have at least an arm draped around his waist.

He’s almost always awake first and if he isn’t then Jack wakes him with soft kisses on the back of his neck or from his collarbone to his shoulder. He longs for that. He wants Jack to hold him and tell him that everything is going to be okay, that he’s there, that he loves him.

That isn’t an option today. Today, he’s going to have to get dressed without Jack stopping to kiss him every six seconds, brush his teeth without Jack using the time to make him blush because he can’t respond, comb his hair without Jack taking over because he’s “doing it wrong.”

He swings his legs over the side of the bed and reaches for the pillbox on his dresser. It’s empty. He’s not normally irresponsible about it, but he forgot to fill it yesterday. Now he has to go to the kitchenette and fill it for the week.

He drags himself out of bed. He hears murmurs, which must mean the others are awake. His phone says it’s already eight and he huffs. He almost never sleeps past seven thirty and he feels off when he does.

His phone also tells him that he has four missed calls from Jack. He doesn’t care.

Jack’s lying on the couch. David doesn’t know why it surprises him. After all, David is the one who told him to sleep there. He’s chatting quietly with Blink and Mush. He looks perfectly fine and, for some reason, this pisses David off more than he knows how to handle.

“Davey,” Jack breathes.

“Morning, Davey,” Mush says awkwardly and he and Blink make their escape.

Unfortunately, the kitchenette is about ten feet from the couch, so there’s really no escaping Jack while he does this. He pulls his medicines down from the cabinet quickly and tries not to look up from the box as he fills it.

Jack gets up and approaches him quietly. “Davey.”

“Mm.”

“I, uh…how’d you sleep?”

“Well,” he answers shortly. 

“Good. That’s…good. Here, I’ll get you a glass of juice to take that with,” he offers.

David doesn’t stop him. Maybe Crutchie is right that he doesn’t have anything to be sorry for. Maybe Sarah was right all those times she told him he should make Jack grovel a bit instead of throwing him his forgiveness as soon as he apologized. And he hasn’t even apologized yet.

He puts the glass down on the counter as David finishes. He takes his pills but doesn’t otherwise acknowledge what Jack did.

David starts for the bathroom.

“Dave, where you going? Can’t we talk?”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Please at least hear me out? I know I don’t deserve it, but please?”

David sighs and gestures for him to continue.

“Thanks. Davey, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of those things I said and I should’ve told those girls to beat it the second they started flirting. I didn’t realize what was wrong with a bit of playful flirting but I realize now that I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, so you did know they were flirting? Good. I was worried we would have to get your hearing tested.”

Jack looks crushed. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“Yeah, at some point. It’s been less than twelve hours, Jack,” he points out. “I’m not suddenly not angry because you said you’re sorry. You don't get off the hook that easy.”

He shouldn’t take any pleasure in how devastated Jack looks, he knows that, but it’s hard not to after how he made David feel last night. How he still feels now.

“Baby…”

“I’m going to shower.” He closes the bathroom door behind him without looking back.

He takes a longer shower than he normally does. It’s nice to be able to pretend the tears on his face are really water droplets from the spray. He tries not to think about anything, but he’s never been very good at that, so he tries to think about anything else. Homework, midterms, the Yankees, his siblings — none of it works. It all comes back around to Jack and their fight.

After he’s showered and dressed, David packs his bag up with his books and laptop and starts to head out.

“Where you going?” Jack asks with concern.

“Out,” he replies shortly. “I figured I shouldn’t spend the day sulking in the bedroom.”

“I didn’t mean—” He’s gone before Jack can finish his sentence.

He spends close to four hours at the library working on a paper that’s due at the end of the week. Starving and not wanting to go to the dining hall, he heads back to the suite. JoJo, Crutchie, and Jack are all in the common space.

“Hey, Davey,” Crutchie greets.

“Hey.”

Jack comes over to him and stands there awkwardly.

“Can you move, please? I need to make lunch.”

He sees Crutchie and JoJo’s silent conversation out of the corner of his eye. He can’t tell if they’re disapproving or not.

“You’re hungry? I can make you something.”

He analyzes Jack’s eager face. He seems genuinely apologetic and not like he just wants their fight to be over, but David isn’t ready to forgive him quite yet. He nods.

“Thanks.”

“Course, baby.”

He knocks on the doorframe a few minutes later and brings him food. David thanks him and turns back to the notes he’s taking.

“Can I help you at all?”

He looks between his notebook and his boyfriend. “With my notes?”

Jack shrugs.

“No.”

“Can I sit with you?”

David lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s your room too, Jack. Do what you want.”

“I don’t want to bother you if—”

“The only way you’re bothering me is by not letting me focus. Stay or go, I don’t care.”

Jack nods and sits quietly on the bed for the next hour or so. David thinks he’s playing on his phone but notices that he glances up at him what feels like every minute.

When he can no longer keep up the pretense of working on homework, he lies on the bed next to him. Jack immediately puts his phone down. David breaks under his gaze and can feel himself being about to cry.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Do you want—”

“Just…shut up and hold me, Jack.”

He obliges and David falls apart in his arms. Jack whispers apologies and reassurances over and over. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Do you think those things? Does it bother you that I don’t go out?” he asks through his tears.

“No, I just felt attacked and I lashed out and hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“But now I’m going to have that in the back of my mind that you feel that way!”

“I don’t. I swear. I was being cruel and I’m really sorry.”

He keeps crying as Jack kisses his forehead, his temple, his cheek, his neck. He makes him feel loved. Whenever David thinks he’s done crying, he imagines that girl with her hand in Jack’s hair and the tears start anew. It’s almost an hour before he has no more tears left to cry and simply shakes in Jack’s arms as he hushes him softly.

“I love you so much, Davey. More than anything.”

“I’m really mad at you.”

“I know. I deserve it.”

“You’re a dick.”

“I know.”

“I love you, though.”

“What can I do, baby? Is there anything that would make you feel better right now?” He strokes David’s cheek, his thumb brushing against his temple. “Anything at all.”

David shifts closer and Jack’s arms go all the way around him. He feels Jack’s hand trail slowly up below his shirt and he rubs soothing circles on David’s back. The skin to skin contact makes him shiver and he lets go of some of his tension. He buries his head in the crook of Jack’s neck and pulls his hands up in between them.

“I’ll take that as a no?”

“Stay here,” he whispers. “Just stay here and don’t leave me.”

“Never would, baby. If I had it my way, we’d spend every second of every day like this.” He sighs. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. You can’t do that, Jacky, you just can’t.”

“I know.”

“You can’t be mean to me just because I’m mad, either.”

“I know that, too. I’m sorry.”

“I get that, but you still did it and I’m still hurt.”

“I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”

“It doesn’t work like that. I just need a few days, okay?”

“Okay. Do you want me to stay on the couch again?”

“No. I’ll be pissed if you do, actually.” He yawns.

“Do you want to take a nap, baby? You’re exhausted.”

“Only if you swear to keep rubbing my back like that until I fall asleep.”

Jack chuckles. “Course.” He kisses his forehead again. “I’ll be here when you wake up and I’ll shower you with kisses. I love you.”

“Mm. Love you too. Still mad.”

Jack chuckles again. “I know. Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

“Well, hey there, gorgeous,” Jack says when David opens his eyes. “How’d you sleep?”

“Mm.” He shifts around sleepily but doesn’t leave Jack’s hold. “Time is it?”

“Like three thirty or four. You’ve been out for a while. How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy. Comfortable.”

“Good.” He brushes some hair out of David’s eyes. “What do you want to do?”

“Lie here.”

“Okay.”

Occasionally, they lie in bed or on the couch and just stare at each other for a long time. Their friends say it’s creepy, but David likes the chance to look at Jack and nothing else. Normally, however, they don’t do it when they’re mad and David still is.

It’s a weird feeling, being mad at Jack, and one David rarely has. Before they started dating, he often felt frustration and world-shattering sadness that somehow surprised him every time but not anger. He can count on one hand the number of times he’s been mad at Jack. That doesn’t mean they never argue, because they definitely do, but David thinks that’s normal for a couple. They try never to yell, but it’s happened a few times.

“Can you tell me a story?” he asks.

“Sure. Which one?”

“The story of how you fell in love with me?” He feels rather shy asking for it, but it’s a nice reassurance that Jack is his and he is Jack’s. Jack tells him this story when his self-esteem is low or he’s feeling like he doesn’t deserve him. He always tells it the exact same way, too.

“Yeah. Can I kiss you first?”

“Yeah.” He tilts his head up. The kiss is chaste and full of love, sorrow, and regret.

“So I can’t tell the story of how I fell in love with you,” he starts, “because that’s a million different moments and a million different ways, but I’ll tell you the story of the moment I realized.”

David closes his eyes and settles in. That opening line is so familiar and comforting that he feels about a thousand times better right away.

“I was sitting in the commons with Katherine and Specs during lunch one day early on in tenth grade and they was talking about how you went off on the AP Euro teacher for saying early British and American suffragists were the first and that New Zealand was the first country to give women the vote. How he wasn’t acknowledging that lots of Native American nations have had equal rights and women-centric views for thousands of years and how they inspired the suffrage movement.” He pauses to kiss the top of David’s head.

“And I got to thinking about how you can be so kind and gentle but so powerful and badass at the same time. How you’re the smartest person I know, but you never make me feel dumb. And like, a week earlier you’d spent an hour talking with Sarah and Specs and JoJo about the two-thousand-eight financial crisis and then literally five minutes later made me feel better about not understanding algebra. And the day you and Katherine won the statewide moot court competition was the same day you spent two hours reading to Les because he couldn’t focus on the pages and he had to write a book report.

“So we was sitting there and I asked them what the teacher did and Specs said he said something like ‘if you want to teach the class, feel free’ so you were spending lunch in the library researching how to petition to add something to a curriculum. You wanted to add a unit on Native American governments to the New York middle school curriculum. I’d never heard you talk back to a teacher. Hell, we had a teacher who got confused the first day and thought your name was Jacob and you never corrected her and she spent the whole year calling you that. But you thought something was unjust and you spoke up about it.

“And instead of thinking ‘Wow, I’m lucky to be his best friend’ like I normally did, I thought ‘Wow, I’m in love with him.’” He threads his fingers through David’s hair and gently scratches his scalp. “It took me a minute to register what I was thinking, you know? How sometimes you realize stuff, but then it takes you a minute to realize you realized it? Yeah.

“And then I spent the next month realizing that I’d been in love with you for a long-ass time. And then another two months working up the nerve to ask you out and tell you. I wanted to be upfront and tell you I was in love with you because I didn’t want to lie about my feelings if we was gonna date. Don’t think I was ever happier than when you said yes and told me you were in love with me too. I’ve been happier since then, though. I’m happier every day that I’m with you.

“And freshman year being on campus but not living in the same building? That sucked. But these last three years being able to stay with you have been amazing. Buying our own bed so we can sleep together? Genius. Because I’m in love with you and I’m never not gonna be. You’re my everything, Davey Jacobs, and you always will be. Hell or high water.”

David kisses his chest and sniffles. “Thank you,” he whispers.

“No need to thank me for saying something that’s true.”

David exhales shakily and listens for Jack’s heartbeat. He loves him more than anything and there’s nothing he won’t forgive him for. Maybe that’s unhealthy, but David doesn’t care.

“I forgive you,” he tells him.

The relieved exhale Jack releases is startling. David feels bad for having experienced schadenfreude that morning. He was so hurt and wanted to see that it affected Jack as much as it affected him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t forgive you sooner.”

“Please don’t be. You’re allowed to be angry, baby. You were right to be, too.”

“Okay.”

“But I need to make sure you know that I never woulda let it go further than that. I swear.”

David nods into him. “I do. I just don’t get why you let it go as far as you did.”

“I…I don’t know either. I think that…Okay, you know how sometimes you say that just hearing how great I think you are isn’t enough and how you want approval from others sometimes too?”

David opens his eyes and looks up at him. “Yeah.”

“I think it was like that. It’s an explanation but not an excuse, I know that. I’m not trying to excuse it. There’s nothing that can make what I did okay. I wanted to feel special and they were giving me attention.”

David isn’t sure what to say. He understands the feeling, certainly, and he’s sorry Jack was — maybe  _ is _ — feeling that way, but it hurt like hell to hear.

“I hated it, though. Nothing they coulda said would come close to making me feel as special as you make me feel. I’m sorry.”

“Jacky…tell me when you’re feeling that way, but it’s…it’s still not okay.”

“I know it isn’t. I know and I will, but I didn’t even realize I was feeling that way until one of them told me I was hot.”

“Did you mean to make me jealous?”

Jack shakes his head. “No.” He takes a pause. “I want to be honest because I know that’s best, but I feel like what I’m about to say might make it worse and maybe make you take your forgiveness back.”

“Say it anyway,” David requests.

“Okay. I wasn’t thinking about you at all.”

Ouch.

“And that don’t mean I was thinking I was into her or nothing!” he adds quickly. “I wasn’t! It didn’t even cross my mind, but all I could think was ‘here’s a person who thinks I’m hot. I hope she keeps saying nice things.’ And then the other one was there and she was real nice too and…fuck.”

David tries not to sob. “You weren’t thinking about me?”

“I didn’t suddenly think I was single, baby, and I wasn’t upset about that, neither. It wasn’t about sex or romance or any of that stuff, okay? It was just about someone being attracted to me.”

“But  _ I’m _ attracted to you. Isn’t that enough?” It hurts to talk. His throat is contracting as he holds back his sobs.

“Of course, it is! I wasn’t thinking logically. I was a little tipsy and plenty stupid, but I swear, there was no part of me that even thought about cheating on you.”

“It might not have been ‘about sex or romance or any of that stuff’ to you, but it was to them!” He pulls away from Jack slightly. “If you can’t control yourself when you have alcohol then you shouldn’t be drinking!”

“You’re right,” Jack agrees, “and it didn’t have anything to do with the alcohol. I mean, maybe it made my tongue looser when we fought, but I would’ve probably been that stupid anyway.”

“You weren’t even drunk yet, Jack. Do you do this at every party? And when you are drunk is it worse?” He huffs angrily and sits up. He’s facing away from Jack and his arms are crossed. “Do you let them kiss your neck and nibble your ear?”

“No! No, Christ, Dave.” He sits up behind him, wraps his arms around David’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder. David jerks always and he lets go. He swings his legs around and sits next to him.

“You know I wouldn’t let anyone but you do that.”

“Until last night, I didn’t think you’d let anyone but me do what they did.”

He knows he’s being unfair. He doesn’t give a shit.

“I’m sorry,” Jack repeats.

He’s crying now — a rare sight — and David resists the urge to hug him. Jack puts his forehead back on David’s shoulder and doesn’t stop him this time. He’s not sure Jack can help it.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Do you want me not to go to parties anymore? I won’t,” he promises. “I won’t even go out with people you don’t know. I won’t go out at all! Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!”

David believes him, too. Jack would be willing to give up any semblance of a social life if David was to ask him to and wouldn’t resent him for it, either. David will never ask that of him, of course. He does trust Jack even if he doesn’t like what he saw last night. He knows it will never happen again.

Jack is still blubbering, so he takes him into his arms and shushes him. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Please forgive me.”

“I already have. Relax, honey.”

“No! No, you shouldn’t be comforting me. I’m the one who fucked up,” he cries.

“Everybody fucks up.”

He shakes his head violently. “Not like that!”

“Shh. You’re okay. I forgive you.”

“But you’re mad.”

“I’ll get over it soon. Being mad doesn’t automatically go away, but I still love you just as much as I do when I’m not mad, okay?” He holds Jack to him, one hand on the back of his head, the other on his back.

“Okay,” he breathes. “Okay.”

“Shh. I’ve got you, honey.”

It takes Jack a while to calm down and for them to end up curled together as they were before.

“I’m sorry,” Jack whispers one more time.

“I know you are.” They’re holding hands in the center now and David circles Jack’s with his thumb. “Thank you for apologizing. I really do forgive you, Jacky. I’m not just saying that.”

He nods.

“Do you want to talk about it?” David asks. “About how you’re feeling.”

“No. Do you?”

“No. All talked out.”

“Tired again?”

He lifts his shoulder in a half shrug. “Kinda. I’m not going to sleep, though.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Look at you.”

“Funny because my plan was to look at you.”

“Funny.”

“Yeah.”

David watches as Jack’s eyes flit around his face.

“What?”

“You’re gorgeous.”

He blushes a little and shakes his head instinctively. “No, I’m not. You’re the gorgeous one.”

“Oh, I know I’m gorgeous,” he jokes, “but you are too.”

“Thanks.”

Jack sighs happily. “I’m real glad we can have conversations like the one we just had.”

“Mm. Me too. We make a good team.”

“Yeah.” Jack yawns and David doesn’t bother stifling a chuckle.

“Sleep, kochanie. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, eyes closing.

“Shh. I know. Sleep.”

David drifts off eventually too and wakes to his phone buzzing. He quickly picks it up so as not to wake Jack.

**Unknown**

**5:16 PM**

_ Hey. This is Smalls from last night. Charlie Morris gave me your number. Just wanted to make sure everything’s okay _

David steals a glance at his sleeping boyfriend. As he does, Jack nuzzles his shoulder in his sleep. He smiles. He will never doubt Jack’s love for him, just as he knows Jack will never have to doubt David’s love for Jack.

Hi, Smalls. Thanks for checking in.

Everything is great.


End file.
